


"5 ways to ruin your chances with your crush" by: Knockout

by Zombieheroine



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: 5+1 Things, Awkward Romance, Bad Flirting, Fluff and Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-19 22:18:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3626313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zombieheroine/pseuds/Zombieheroine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One thing was certain: Knockout was madly, deeply, hopelessly in love with Starscream. </p><p>Something had to be done, but was it such a good idea after all?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zinteyro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zinteyro/gifts).



> This is a silly little fic I wrote for my flatmate for his birhtday last November in the middle of NaNo craziness.  
> Now I finally took time to actually read it and edit it a bit, zinteyro beta read his own present and here it is!
> 
> I hope this amuses you, dear reader.

A chief medical officer of a Decepticon warship is a respectable position. So respectable actually that one could expect it to come with more perks.   
As it happens, a certain doctor had been summoned back on Nemesis some time ago and a lot had happened since then, such as fights, aft-kicking, Lord Megatron's recovery...   
Many hectic things, but nothing too bad.

Those he could handle, but Knockout had also recalled why he had left in the first place: His spark tended to make very uncomfortable aerobatics when their glitching, cowardly, scheming, impatient, rude and absolutely charming Commander was nearby.

After a certain point a mech needs to do what a mech needs to do, and with that he decided to launch what turned out to be a series of utter failures.


	2. Attempt 1:  Flirt too subtly

Starscream was like a regular customer in the medical bay and not only because he had a tendency to stand too close to Lord Megatron while making his snarky comments, but also for purely social visits.

Knockout was neglecting his duties and handing his workload to Breakdown while he listened to Starscream's rant about – what was he talking about again? He had no idea nor did he really care. The Commander had a most exquisite voice, a low rumble full of personality and funny little pitched parts when he made a sarcastic remark or was especially pleased about something. 

He moved a lot too, talking with his whole frame while gracefully striding here and there on his heels, wings fluttering and rising and lowering like his moods.

All in all the display was wonderful. Knockout was faintly aware of his own smile that bordered on a smirk but couldn't make himself wipe it off even when he tried.

“You know, Herr Kommandant,” he said suddenly, “we could go and continue this lovely _affair_ in my cabin.”

Starscream stopped and eyed him carefully. “And why would we go to your cabin?” 

“You know, we could talk there. Privately.”

Starscream straightened up in one harsh jerk of a movement. “Oh? So you don't want to be seen with me in public?!” he accused. “It figures! Well, I shall make sure I won't embarrass you any more!”

And with that the Commander stormed out of the medical bay, muttering under his breath. 

Knockout stared after him. “...What?”

Breakdown barked a laugh.


	3. Attempt 2: Flirt too directly

This misunderstanding lead to a second attempt, though it was sadly delayed because Starscream sulked at him for a whole week. 

By then something had happened that had upset Starscream enough to make him forget about the previous slight and he appeared back at the medical bay, finding Knockout receiving a buff from Breakdown.

At the exact moment when the doors slid open and Starscream stepped in, Knockout hastily shoved Breakdown away from him and hopped off the table and hurried to receive his guest.  
Getting a buff wasn't an especially personal moment nor was Knockout coy about his dedication to his looks, and Starscream raised an optic ridge at the reaction but didn't say anything. 

“Commander! What brings you here?” Knockout asked cheerfully, the greeting turning into eager conversation in the same breath as he came to meet the seeker halfway. 

“I had a most unpleasant accident today, I think my wing joint is disrupted,” Starscream vaguely explained and gestured at his left wing which shimmered. 

Knockout stepped right next to the Air Commander and raised his servos to examine the hurt part of the fine flying equipment.  
“Oh, nothing too bad here,” he assured when he didn't find any damaged or broken parts, “but I suggest you clean and oil it well tonight and give it a couple days of rest.”

“Very well then,” Starscream said, relieved that he didn't need to explain his accident. 

“You know... I could always take care of that,” Knockout suggested with a flashy smile, “I could clean it for you, then nurse you back to full health... With my frame.”

Knockout didn't even have a chance to see what hit him, but it sure smacked him right in the faceplate and caused him to crash down to the floor. 

Starscream had made a strong 180 degree spin and slammed his good wing into the medic's helm and immediately dashed out, a small cloud of steam pushing out of his side vents. 

Breakdown hoisted Knockout up from the floor, barely keeping his laughter in.

“Really now, Knockout? _REALLY_? Is subtlety a strange word to you?”  
“But he doesn't get that!”  
“Sure, sure...”


	4. Attempt 3: Compliment him wrong

Starscream was sitting alone in the mess hall with a cube of energon in front of him, wallowing in self-pity. He had failed a mission yet again and Megatron had told him off for it. That was nothing new or anything he couldn't take, it was rather a regular part of his routine, but in the corridors he had heard a group of Vehicon flyers mocking his nosedive.

Now that was too much! He was a flyer of Vos, a real work of noble metal, an expert in the aerial arts! Anyone could hit a pelican in mid-flight, but who could make a graceful landing with minimal damage, huh? No other than a real master of aeronautics. 

His sulking was interrupted by Knockout, who smoothly slid on to the seat across from him with an energon cube of his own.

“Fancy meeting you here, Commander,” the medic greeted. 

“Hello, Knockout,” Starscream listlessly answered without raising his gaze from his cube.

“I was going through the routine check-ups of our flying units just today,” Knockout casually chatted. “Eradicons are quite heavily built, have you noticed? No real aerodynamics there.”

Starscream scuffed. “Of course not! Industrial planes are very different from Seekers. They are meant to move stuff through air ways, I am built _especially_ for flying! Art and all.”

“Oh? Is that so? Well I can't lie, you do look much lighter and more slender than they do.”

“Well, naturally. It's basic physics,” Starscream said and took a sip of his cube and while at that, a glance at Knockout too. The medic had that usual glitching smile of his on.  
Now that Starscream thought of it, he was always smiling. Was he constantly slightly overcharged or just electrocuting himself on regular basis? 

“You're the first Seeker of Vos I've ever known. I only ever saw your kind far up in the sky, never met one in person,” Knockout mentioned casually. “But all your moves and skills fascinated me! And you...” he paused to give Starscream a meaningful look, “it takes a special kind of a genius to pull those moves off, doesn't it?”

Starscream slowly lowered his cube from his lipplates. Knockout was smiling weirdly, a certain lop-sided effect making it suggestive or somehow secretive, like there was something special between them that Starscream was supposed to know too.  
Knockout's voice was lower than his regular speaking voice, too, and he kept a firm optic contact, helm tilted and voice full of promise, hints... 

It could only mean one thing. 

Starscream emptied his cube with one go and stood up. 

“Why do you mock me too?! I KNOW HOW TO FLY! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, THOSE HAPPEN! A STUPID COAL-BASED FEATHERDUSTER SHOULDN'T BE FLYING ANYWAY!”

He ran off as quickly as he could without once looking behind him. 

Knockout stared ahead blankly. “What the frag did I do now?” he wondered.


	5. Attempt 4: Just be your (creepy) self!

All in all, it was a very interesting day for Knockout. One of the mining units in some humid and dusty corner of Earth had caused a little accident, and though of the Vehicons had made it out just fine, several unfortunate fauna and even some adventuring humans had been caught into the crumbling of a large cave, so research day it was!

Knockout had always loved research, and biomechanics had been the field that had originally lead him to practice medicine. His love for opening up living things and finding out what made them tick was pure and genuine, and what better way to woo your dearest one than to share such a beautiful thing!

So Knockout put in a request to have Starscream assist him with the multiple autopsies of the day instead of Breakdown who was incidentally (as a friend's favor) tracking an energon signal at the moment. Megatron got some perverse pleasure from ordering Starscream to dirty his servos, so no questions were asked there and the request was instantly approved.

The day started with Starscream transporting a large pile of fresh corpses from the surface into the medical bay and assisting Knockout in every way he was asked to. That meant lifting corpses, handing instruments and fabric to clean the saw on the medic's arm, taking down notes and pictures of their findings, listening to the medic going on and on about organic things (“Oh look! Look how adorably squishy that is!”) and, at the end of the day, cleaning up.

Knockout had just closed the last husk bag with the remains of the last test subject and took a glance at the operating table, wet and gleaming and slippery with blood and chemicals and organic fluids.

“Hey,” he said to Starscream with a suggestive smile, voice low and smooth. “Wanna do it on the operating table?”

Starscream was a conservative mech and didn't get upgrades often unlike Skywarp did, but occasionally he too could teleport on pure willpower and was out of the door as quickly as a thought.


	6. Attempt 5: Try to find an excuse to be near them (and come across weird)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for everyone who read, left kudos and commented! I'm so glad this silly little thing amuses people. :D  
> I think we can all agree that Knockout's luck and timing have been truly unfortune, but he is a bit too eager too.   
> But how about this time? Will love finally be his?!
> 
> (This chapter includes some of my own personal headcanons about Vosian culture.)

Starscream's door comm buzzed in the middle of a night cycle and pulled him out of deep recharge. He wasn't pleased. 

If it wasn't for his position and rank he would have ignored whoever it was bothering him this late, but being the second in command changed things greatly. It might be important or an emergency so he got up from his berth, but as he dragged himself across his cabin he decided he would inflict horrible revenge upon anyone who wasn't Lord Megatron himself. 

It wasn't Megatron. It wasn't anyone important at all. In the dimly lit corridor, violet lights reflecting off his paint stood Knockout, smiling what he probably considered to be an innocent smile. 

“What is it?” Starscream snapped, his interrupted recharge making him irritated. 

“Oh I'm terribly sorry to be bothering you at such an inconvenient hour, Commander,” Knockout began, making sure he kept his tone respectful, “but the thing is that I have forgotten my cabin's new entry code and Breakdown didn't get up no matter how long I buzzed the door comm, and I was just wondering if you could be so kind and let me recharge in your cabin?”

Starscream narrowed his optics. Typical of Knockout to focus on idle things like hobbies and fun and forget important things like the key codes. Who knew how many medical innovations he had made by misplacing vital instruments and having to come up with something without them. Despite Knockout's innocent and respectful presentation Starscream found himself wishing he had done the same as Breakdown and let the fragger buzz the comm, but now that he had opened the door he'd have to deal with the situation. 

It might be a good idea to let Knockout in, actually. As a seeker Starscream found it difficult to recharge without the hum of the EM fields of his wingmates around so having someone with him would be a welcome change. He could actually recharge properly instead of waking up every couple of cycles to the horrible feeling of having been left behind. Having that kind of peace of mind had been like a far-fetched dream for so long, and actually allowing the grounder to accompany him seemed more and more like a good idea by every passing klik...

But Knockout didn't settle for just quietly waiting for Starscream to make up his mind. He decided to push. “Oh, please, Commander! It's chilly here in corridors!”

“You will remain functional regardless,” Starscream dryly noted.

“True, but it won't be pleasant,” Knockout said back, giving an exaggerated shudder. “Oh, come on, be nice for once! I promise I'll behave.”

Starscream looked the grounder deep in the optics. He seemed sincere for once, his usual sarcasm or inappropriate comments gone like they had never existed. 

And then Knockout ruined it with a smirk on his faceplate: “You know, we could keep each other warm.”

Starscream's faceplate heated up, his back snapped straight and he closed the door in Knockout's face.


	7. You need help. Accept it.

Soundwave and Breakdown crossed paths in the officers' cabin deck just like they had agreed before.

Breakdown nodded. “Soundwave.”

“o7” blinked on Soundwave's visor. 

They stood in front of one of the empty cabins and Soundwave reached out with his tentacle and tapped in the key code. The doors shuffled open and they left them like that as they parted ways, Soundwave heading towards the information deck and Breakdown to the medical bay. 

The doors remained open as the officers were on their task and were still open when they came back just after a few klikcycles. Both of them could be heard before seen.

“What... Just WHAT are you DOING?!” shrieked a voice that came from the direction of the medical bay. “He – Hey! WATCH THE PAINT!”

“Soundwave?! What's gotten into you? PUT ME DOWN RIGHT ON THIS KLIK! I AM YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER!”

Soundwave and Breakdown met again, now both carrying precious cargo. Breakdown, who was wearing a slightly bored expression and kept reassuring his friend that this was for his own good, had a loudly objecting, kicking Knockout thrown over his shoulder. Soundwave in turn carried Starscream, who was tightly wrapped in a firm embrace of both tentacles and focused most of his energy into screaming and trying to hit the other mech with his talons, and Soundwave wisely kept him across a safe distance, but the stroll was not very light or easy despite the considerable strength of his extra limbs.

Breakdown and Soundwave stopped in the middle of the corridor and exchanged a civilized nod for a greeting before hoisting the mechs they held down and in front of them so they were face to face. The racket stopped sharp like it was cut with a knife as the two restrained mechs stared at each other, not struggling anymore but even more confused than before. The bizarre meter edged on the red and the moment stretched. 

Then Breakdown broke the silence.

“So, Starscream. Since your helm is made of cast iron and Knockout is too dumb - “ (“Hey!”) “- to work this situation out by yourselves, we're here to help.”

Breakdown gave Knockout a firm shake like the medic was but a toy figurine and spoke for him: “This is Knockout, say hello to him. He really fancies you, he likes your bad mouth, your legs and paint job. He's really bad at flirting with you but I assure you he's a good fella and has optics only for you.”

All objections and resistance had left Knockout by now. The medic tried to paint a charming, confident smile on his faceplate to match the words spoken on his behalf but ended up looking more sheepish than anything else. 

Starscream's jaw was hanging open and all his struggling had ceased leaving him just hanging in the other mech's tentacles, so Soundwave saw it fit to step closer and allow the seeker within the limits of the former safety distance. Soundwave's visor lit up attracting Knockout's attention as well as pulling an embarrassed little squeak out of Starscream who guessed what was coming. 

A small, plump and bright blue spark appeared on Soundwave's visor, pulsing, spinning and sprinkling tiny glittering sparkles that bounced off the walls of the visor's screen. His tentacles gave Starscream a gentle shake to signify that what was coming were the seeker's words like Breakdown had done, and he played a collection of music clips out of his banks:

“There's something between us anyway – Can you feel the love tonight – doctor, doctor I need you back home, baby – when you know your heart is light, electric is the love – I want it bad, your bad romance – I wanna ruin our friendship, we should be lovers instead!”

Heavy silence followed. Starscream was out of words for once and just stared over his shoulder at Soundwave in shocked horror, his talons covering most of his face in an embarrassed display.   
Knockout in turn had a wide if slightly disbelieving grin-smile stuck on his faceplate as he stared at the seeker, accompanied with a flood of pure glee pulsing off his EM field.

“There. Now that everybot is up to date again, we'll leave you two sort this thing out,” Breakdown declared and in one bot he and Soundwave all but bowled their respectable officer comrades into the empty cabin to their left, and Soundwave closed and locked the door after them. 

Breakdown dusted off his servos like the crude social situation had left something in them. “Do you think this is enough?” he asked Soundwave as they turned to leave and return to their posts. 

Soundwave simply shrugged without a comment. 

Breakdown huffed to himself, indifferent. “Well... If it isn't enough we'll just pull this again, right.”

Soundwave answered with another song out of his banks: “I know, love will find a way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are! At the end of our story but at the beginning of their grand journey into the wonderland of love!   
> Or perhaps rather on the top of a hill that they are going to stumble and roll down from and then end up in a ditch. But at least they're together in that ditch. 
> 
> I bow and thank you, my dear readers. Now I can go back to my serious projects. :)


End file.
